Good Cry

I needed a good cry today. Somtimes it's better then getting drunk for getting over things.

So I searched the house for my entire CD collection (three small zipper cases). The stereo is packed (just as well, it's 20 years old) so I used a small boom box. I played the one song from each CD that prompted me to buy each of those CD's in the first place.

The way my life has been going recently, I really didn't need to hear any sad songs to start crying, just needed to hear the "essentials" for my generation, or at least my list of essentials.

Free Ride, Edgar Winter; Jungle Love, Steve Miller; Badge, Cream; Competition, Boston; Layla, Derek and the Dominos; Hold on Loosely, 38 Special.

They were a good start but I completely fell apart when I played Bell Bottom Blues, Derek and the D's. Made me think of her, the first one I talked about here, the one with the slim body and the pretty face, the long legs and the understated breasts, the one I felt I had so much in common with, that blew me in the back seat of her car, the one I have to see every single day and pretend I don't want to be inside her anymore.

Man, lots of tears, lots to explain to those around me about the tears. Could not even talk while it was playing. Shit. Why can't I just be over her? Can't let her know I still have feelings for her. If she asks I will tell her that I would still like to fuck her, but she can't know I'd rather make love to her.

Sigh

Bell Bottom Blues (by Eric Clapton)

Bell bottom blues, you made me cry.
I don't want to lose this feeling.
And if I could choose a place to die
It would be in your arms.

Do you want to see me crawl across the floor to you?
Do you want to hear me beg you to take me back?
I'd gladly do it because
I don't want to fade away.
Give me one more day, please.
I don't want to fade away.
In your heart I want to stay.

It's all wrong, but it's all right.
The way that you treat me baby.
Once I was strong but I lost the fight.
You won't find a better loser.

Bell bottom blues, don't say goodbye.
I'm sure we're gonna meet again,
And if we do, don't you be surprised
If you find me with another lover.

I don't want to fade away.
Give me one more day please.
I don't want to fade away.
In your heart I long to stay.

The Older One

D was a few months younger than me (or was it older?). Really didn't matter. This was a great person. Loved to laugh, loved to dance, loved to love. Great voice. Low alto, smoky, slightly nasal. Short and slim. Nice body. Well proportioned. Pretty face, did not look her age. No one of her features overwhelmed the rest, except maybe her personality.

When we met, we were working at the same place, she was a secretary. Was on the phone all day. We had a mutual friend we'll call AM who worked in another part of the building. They had grown up together and were always on the phone to eachother. I wanted them in a hot tub together but that never happened.

D and I flirted and joked for years while I was fucking AM. When D was on the phone at work I would come up behind her and give her a neck and shoulder rub. She made such great noises I would get hard. I used to think she would be great in bed.

One night about a year after breaking up with AM, D and I went out to hear a local band she liked. We went to a club that was full of kids much younger than ourselves. The waitstaff seemed to know her pretty well as her ex-husband was in a popular local band himself. Every few drinks we got were on the house. She loved to drink too. She got very touchy-feely, physically clingy with her friends when she drank and so it was that night.

We both had a fair amount to drink and danced like no one was looking. It was great. Good loud music, pretty girl, alcohol. She was very sexy on the dance floor. Just short of obscene.....tastefully erotic I would say.

It got too loud and smoky at one point so we left to take a ride.........towards my house. I lived on a big hill (mountain?). It was near 1 AM and it was a perfect summer night with a hugh full moon. We passed huge groups of deer on the way, their eyes shining in the head lights.

We pulled into my driveway, got out and headed for the back yard. It was a fairly large yard, on a two acre lot. The neighbor behind was hidden by a row of large pines, on the sides, nothing between us and the neighbors, just distance.

Huge full moon, warm breeze, we stared at the full moon, with a great beer buzz, our ears still ringing slightly. I turned to her and kissed her softly. We had that tight embrace that two close friends have just before they got closer. I unbuttoned my shirt. She took that as an invitation to rub my chest and back under my shirt. I had recently started shaving my chest like the rest of the weight lifters did at the gym. She noticed and said "Oooooo, smooth" and kissed me back. While we kissed I opened her shirt and undid her bra. She took them off and tossed them on the ground. Topless in the moonlight she was a goddess. The wind was blowing her hair around and the moon shown on her breasts, illuminating two perfect mounds with erect nipples making two perfect shadows on her chest. Her skin was so soft. It felt like it had never seen the sun and indeed it hadn't. She never went into the sun to tan, she was that fair, nearly pure white. There was no dicernible difference in the texture of her skin anywhere on her body. The feel of her back was as smooth and silky as the skin of her tits and just as pale in the moonlight.

She was so sexy. She kept her lips nearly limp when she kissed me. So soft. I sucked and nibbled and kissed and licked her lips. I slipped my hands down the back of her pants and squeezed her ass. She smiled and laughed a sexy laugh, then undid my belt. As she did, she said "It's getting late, so I'll blow you and then I have to go". Well, that was unexpected. She finished undoing my zipper and let my pants fall to the ground. I stepped out of them and moved my feet apart, she knelt in front of me and took me into her mouth. With one hand on each of my ass cheeks she began moving her head first toward me then away slowly stroking my cock, lips tight around it, tongue flat and firmly placed against its underside. I looked around at all my neighbors' houses. Took me a second to remember that we were outside in my back yard. The warm summer breeze felt wonderful on my naked body, my hair and shirt fluttered in the breeze. I held my arms out as if on the bow of the Titanic and yelled "I'm king of the world!". She laughed with my cock still in her mouth.

From my ass, she moved her hands up and down the backs of my thighs, finger tips with polished nails lightly dragged across my ass, my inner thighs, then to my balls with a playful tug. She would pause and use her hand to stroke my cock and stroke my ego as well saying encouraging things like "oh its soooo hard, I love your big stiff cock", she was very thougtful that way.

Then out of nowhere she said, "I changed my mind, I want you inside me". She pulled me down onto the ground with her, pushed me gently on to my back and wriggled out of her jeans and red thong. She climbed on top, carefully guiding my wet swollen cock into her pussy. Geez was she wet, hot as a pizza oven. She bent over and kissed me then began grinding herself on top of me. The picture of her on top of me in the moonlight is something I will never forget. When she arched her back,the moonlight played across her naked body making her look just like one of those old black and white glamour photos. It was surreal. Just sensational.

She fucked me hard for quite a while until she started that motion that really wrings out your dick, nearly bending it in half. I lost control and came, but luckily not before she did. She fell off and snuggled up next to me. We stared up at the moon in the grass of the lawn in my back yard. We nearly fell asleep right there.

My favorite experience is that first sexual encounter with a friend of many years, suddenly adding a whole new dimension to your relationship, a new and different set of rules with all boundaries and inhibitions removed between you. And so it was with us now.

Friends Wives and Lovers

I try not to make a distinction here. The lines are often blurred and often I am the one blurring them.

Between love affairs (relationships with emotional content) there are the flings. For me, flings involve friends. I don't like the idea of taking up with strangers especially when it comes to sex. Sometimes these friends are single, sometimes they are "other peoples" wives, and sometimes the "other people" are my friends as well. There were at least three in that category over the years. Each had a different comfort level in how far they would go with me.

One has an understanding with these women, that there is no planning, plotting or sneaking around. There is usually no ongoing contact with them either. There are only windows of opportunity. If the opportunity presents itself, we take advantage of it.

One was near my age, divorced and dating. She was the closest friend of a lover we will discuss in later posts. She was petite, with short brunette hair, and soft alabaster skin. The softest lips of anyone I have ever kissed. Kept them relaxed when kissing, not tense at all. Very sexy. Made noises like a porn star even even with just a shoulder rub. Great sense of humor. Loved musicians. Loved to do things in public places. Would have liked to fuck her more than just the one time.

Another was the wife of a good friend. Very pretty, nice tits, short with short blonde hair. For years we would steal kisses when no one was looking. She was more interested in a good friend of mine, good looking guy for sure, tall, dark and handsome, great personality. Bringing him with me one night got me further with her than I expected.

The third friend was someone I gave comfort in times of trouble. Her husband was the only guy she had ever been with and he began treating her badly. Good kisser, terrible figure, but I liked her a lot. I was only the second guy she had ever had sex with in her life at 32 years old.

Regular Sex

I bedded most of these women all the while have sex regularly
with a girl in her mid twenties. Not sure what she saw in me, being the older man. I figure it had something to do with her father
either very good or very bad. I never asked. For the five years
I was fucking her I never asked.

It began before she was married. I was interested in a friend of
hers really, a tall blonde, but somehow she got my attention. It was probably when she stared sending me topless photos of herself while we chatted on line. She wrote very sexy things in our chats, almost
poetic. Made me hard when I read them. She had a real talent for that kind of writing.

Also, she had big tits. Really big tits. She was short a little heavy,
I grant you but she had really big tits. Not floppy or saggy
either, but firm and meaty. Nice big tits. And great lips. Big
soft comfy lips and she could really kiss. Terrific kisser.
Skillful tongue. Did I mention she had really big tits? Did I
mention she loved to suck my dick? God she was great at that too.
She made a meal of me each time. Slow and sexy, lots of tongue
there too. Took her time, made me moan very loudly. She said she
liked it when I moaned as I ejaculated into her mouth. She
swallowed my fluids without breaking the rhythm of her mouth on
my cock. Very nice. She cleaned me off with her mouth when I was
finished too. She said I tasted sweet, unlike her fiance.

She came over to the house once or twice a week for almost five
years. Not sure there is any one experience that was most
memorable, but she was the one girl I could make come every time.
That I do remember. I'm not sure why that was. I expect it was a
combination of physics and the fact that she fell in love with me
over the years.

We had a ritual. She would drive over and park in the garage,
come up stairs and find me in the shower (I know, again with the
shower...I'm a Pisces). She would not come into the shower, but
would reach in and scrub my chest and ass with a soapy sponge. This got her wet in a number of ways. After this she would kneel down outside the shower and give me head as I stood at the glass door of the shower stall. This ritual developed while I was working out at
the gym. I dropped 30 pounds and got fairly muscular over a two
year period. She enjoyed the changes. I must admit it made me
feel really sexy when she squeezed the muscles of my arms, thighs
and calves.

She would climb in bed while I was drying off and wait for me. I
would put on music and a candle and crawl in with her. She was
probably the best kisser I knew at the time and wanted to fuck me
as often as she could. Who could resist that? If she was on her
period she would come over and suck my brains out through my
dick. Very thoughtful of her.

After kissing for a good while, she would run her tongue down my
chest and tummy to my penis which she would hold in her right
hand. She would cradle my balls in the other hand and suck the
head of my dick with her mouth. She kept all in motion while
saying "Mmmmmmmmm". The little vibrations that the humming would cause, along with the other three motions, were sensational. She would do something with her tongue too but I couldn't tell exactly what it was.

She would then either straddle me or roll me over on top of her.
When she was on top I loved to looked at her huge tits hanging
over me, but I came too fast in this position. I preferred to be
on top with her. When I was on top, I knew I could make her come.
I didn't have to "hold out" with her, I could fuck her at my own
pace and she would always come. She loved to talk during sex. She
would mumble things like "fuck me" mixed with my name and a few
random obscenities with that tremor in her voice that comes from
bouncing her ass to meet the motion of my cock sliding in and out
of her. I would speed up at the end and really be slamming her
by the time I came. There was that one last big thrust at the end where I would push myself as far into her as I could and hold it there
hard against her enjoying the pulsations of my orgasm, as the
spasms peaked then faded. She would close her eyes and open her
mouth and make this little asthmatic sound........by that I knew
she had come. She said she could feel me swell up and
come inside her. She liked that.

She got married about a year after we got together, but that did not
interrupt our fuck-schedule........and neither did her first
pregnancy.

Shower Sex

The house was a real mess by this time. The rugs had all been pulled up awaiting replacement before the house was to be put on the market. I was loading trash in a great big dumpster when she pulled up. I was drenched with sweat, my shirt lying in a heap near the door. The ripped up cutoffs I was wearing were near falling off from all the weight I had lost at the gym. She came over to give me a peck on the mouth, tryng not to get her silky flowered shirt full of grime. She glanced down from beneath her sunglasses as she leaned in to kiss me. "Yes babe....." I said "...... I am wearing underwear". She said "I can fix that".

As always with her the first stop was the kitchen. She removed the cap from that deep blue bottle and poured two generous portions into two large plastic cups like you'd see a fraternity kegger. This was followed by ice and Oceanspray Cran-raspberry cocktail. She even found a couple of limes in the fridge. Very refreshing. Went down very fast on that hot day. We finised the first set of drinks just leaning against the sink making out. Her shirt now full of my sweat, I ran up to the shower while she mixed more.

I closed the blinds in the bathroom trying to make it as dark as possible. The shower still had that red light in its ceiling giving it a nice sexy glow. I discarded my cutoffs and got in. I stood there with my eyes closed and my mouth open under the stong jets of warm water letting them wash over my aching muscles. After a while the glass door opened. There she was naked except for her sunglasses and holding a drink in each hand. What a site. I looked up and said "Thank you Lord". She climbed in and immediatley started kissing me holding the drinks so as not to let the shower dilute them. Very sexy.

We drank as we kissed until the cups got in the way of fondling eachother. I poured the rest of my drink on her tits, she squealed and dropped hers. Her nipples got hard from the ice. I began sucking them. She grabbed the hair on the back of my head and drew me toward her. I grabbed the bottle of body wash and squirted it all over her and pushed her into the corner of the small tiled shower stall. I started a lather on her chest and pubic hair. She did the same. Our bodies slid accross eachother slick and smooth, zero friction, kissing deeply. The hot water had intensified my buzz...I was drunk. This was great. Was there anything better than this? My right hand was soaping up her pussy and the left was gliding across her full ass. I slowly reached both hands down until they met beneath her. I placed the middle finger of my right hand well into her vagina, and I slipped the middle finger of my left hand into her ass. She made a kind of little gasping sound but did not resist. I think I heard her say "Oh God" over the sound of the water. There was a bit of a quiver that accompanied that statement as well. I moved my left hand up to massage her ass and repositioned the fingers of my right hand so that my thumb was in her quim and the middle finger was in her ass. I began rubbing those two fingers together. Her body began twitching as she started mumbling my name.

Without warning, she turned her back to me and pushed me against the wall behind me . She placed her hands up onto the tile in front of her as if to brace herself and bent over, pressing her ass firmly to my thighs. I mounted her from behind, being carefull to avoid sticking it in her behind in my drunken state.

She made cirlces with her ass. Not only did this feel great on my soapy thighs but it made my dick trace the inside of her pussy like a finger getting the last bit of peanut butter out of a jar. My hands immediately went to her soapy tits, squeezing them like I was ringing out two wet sponges. Nice smooth slippery tits. I paid a lot of attention to her nipples too.

I moved my right hand to her clit. She pressed harder against me and made faster circles with her ass. I found I did not have to move........she was essentially fucking me at this point. I began to come I could not stop it. She must have sensed this because she slowed down and pressed her ass harder into my thighs deepening my position inside her. I came so hard and so long. The sound I made echoed off the tile. We froze in that position for what seemed like a long time, during which I could feel several post-coital pussy-twitches on my dick. She giggled.

Then, drunk and spent we sat down on the floor of the shower, water still running. I kissed her. She closed her eyes and smiled silently. Nice.

Vodka and Energy

She was only available after work for an hour or two before she had to pick up her kid at school so that was our time together. At first she had me meet her at a little hole-in-the-wall bar half way between our houses. We would go in, have a few happy hour drinks and go back out to the car for a little light petting. Reasonably good kisser but she smoked. She tried not smoking for several hours and using a mint before we would get together but you could always tell if she had smoked that day.

We started just going to my place after a few times at the bar. Much cheaper that way. Skye Vodka and Sobe Energy drink ......... a great combination of alcohol and caffeine, nice buzz, not tired. I asked her to mix us a few while I went and took a shower.

Had a small glassed in shower stall in the master bath, frosted glass door. I left the door of the bathroom open hoping she would come in. I was using one of those liquid body wash products that made shit-loads of lather so I was all soaped up when she came in. She said "here's your drink" , opened the shower door and handed my my Skye and Sobe. She leaned back on the sink to talk leaving the glass door open, sipping her drink. I had been lifting weights and working out 5 days a week for two years at this point so I did a little flexing while I slowly lathered up my torso and legs. I sucked in my abs and rinsed the soap off with the hand sprayer. I was fully erect at this point. She was suddenly very quiet. I caught her staring. When I called her name she dropped her drink on the floor. It was great. I said "go get naked, I'll be right there".

I dried off and went into the bedroom. Her clothes were scattered and she was under the covers. All I had in the room at this point was a mattress on the floor, a TV and a telephone. I crawled in with her. Not much room, so I was on top right away.

We fit together really well, pubis to pubis. Very nice fit. Fairly tight too for having had children. Our mouths were at exactly the same level when I was inside her. Very convenient.

She moved well during sex and made pleasing, seductive noises of satisfaction but as hard as I tried I could not make her come during sex. I had to finger her to death before she was ready to have me to enter her, and then she had to take over rubbing herself after I began thrusting. Sometimes I would have to stop with my dick half way in until she was done rubbing herself and then I would finish. Even with all that I still enjoyed fucking her.

The most memorable time with her was in the shower. I love shower sex. The red light I put in the shower stall makes soapy skin look even more sexy.

Skipped One

There was one between the last two I forgot to mention. This was during a very odd time in my life. I was about to change jobs, move, and deal with quite a health scare right after I met her, but I didn't know that at the time.

She approached me at an outdoor gig. She looked really familiar, turns out we worked in the same building a few days a week. I made pleasant conversation with her and moved on, all the while wondering where we had met.

Saw her a few days later at work and continued the conversation. We traded e-mail addresses under the pretense of sending me some memos and soon were corresponding. Short, dirty blond hair, sparated, a few pounds overweight but nice rack, face very plain but she seemed really interested for some reason. I went along with it. Some of her e-mails were a little suggestive of a potential relationship so or the hell of it, in one e-mail out of nowhere I told her what a great kisser I was. I figured all or nothing, I was not emotionally invested here if she was put off by that.

We fucked every afternoon for weeks. Went through a lot of vodka that month.

Can't Do This

Over the next few weeks she would call me many times. "I can't do this anymore, it's ripping me apart". She fell in love with a married guy. The way she talked about it you'd think she was the only woman who ever did. Very dramatic. This would alternate with "Can you come over tonight? I know what I said before, but my life sucks so much less with you in it". What a complement.

Lots of sex Chinese food and pizza. One night she cooked a nice meal from scratch. She was trying to be domestic. It was sweet but so not her.

E-mail: "I never want to see you again, don't try to contact me". This was around Christmas. By Easter she called and wanted to talk things out. She had met someone and wanted to make peace with me. It was a very nice evening of beer and conversation in a public place. We hugged a really nice hug at the end of the evening.

This one ended well. We still correspond.

Billiards

She called me later that week and invited me out to a local bar to shoot some pool. I like pool and she intrigued me, so I went. Place was nearly empty, back room had a coin operated table. We had a couple of very cold beers. She wasn't the best pool player, but she looked great when she bent over the table...........from all sides. She was a bit taller than me so when she passed by me to get to the cue ball, I had to reach up a little to kiss her. Might have been a little early in the game to steal a kiss but I wanted to and she responded like she did too. She appealed to the other side of me. She was a person of the theatre, actor, director, special effects, she wore many hats under the lights. Right now all I saw was a tight short dress and pouty lips. We played a few games and she asked me to her apartment.

Small is an understatement when describing her apartment. Tiny but it was definitely hers. Theatre memorabilia, a TV, a computer, and a 4 poster bed. A closet with a commode and shower.

We had more beer, and we sent out for a pizza. There was lots of very good kissing. Comfy lips. Most of our precoital conversation consisted of "you're not getting laid tonight you know".

She had smallish conical breasts, one slightly smaller than the other, which she was quick to point out to me. It didn't matter. They were very sensitive which is what counts. Pale skin with freckles. No tan. Collar and cuffs matched. Red pubic hair. Trimmed but not shaped. She laid down the rules before she laid me...... "I don't give head and I don't take it in the ass". Well I never tried to put it in her ass but she actually did give head, but not for very long.

She liked to be on top. She closed her eyes and arched her back when she came, just like you see in the movies, with lots of noise. Very nice. She could have been faking, but what a performance. She was all theatre. I didn't question it.

After we had sex, and not just on this occasion, she switched her contacts for really ugly glasses, put in her retainer, put her hair in pigtails, and took a handfull of prescription meds (none of the fun ones) and would start crying (actually shedding tears) about how desperately she wanted a baby before she was too old and that she was in love with me.

Sigh.

Before Her

Before her was a very interesting but short lived relationship. Met her at a gig, friend of a friend. Not all that attractive physically, but very funny with a sexy personality. She was sexy and it had nothing to do with the way she looked. It was the way she carried herself. It was attitude. I did like her long very red hair though. Dark red. She joined us for dinner before the gig. This was the first time we met, but I thought we had met before. She was very witty. Very engaging. I started hitting on her immediately. I did it in an obvious way which made her laugh. Many drinks and sly remarks later I got her to kiss me goodnight. She must have said "but your married" at least 20 times but I got her to admit that it was not a deal breaker, and she kissed me goodnight. On the lips, no tongue.

A short but intense relationship with lots of good food, alcohol and sex but not without a price.

I told her not to fall in love with me.

That Night

The night that stays with me to this day was a night I invited her over just to talk and kiss. I promised her I would not press for sex. I had become quite attached to her and would have gladly settled for just hugging if she would come over and just be with me.

We sat on the bed facing eachother (clothed) awkwardly crosslegged until I suggested we partially wrap out legs around eachother. This was more comfortable and allowed us to be much closer. We kissed. And hugged. It was very satisfying. Good kissing. Very sensuous, expressive deliberate kissing, not rushed. Very sexy. No pressure for sex on the part of either of us. Very relaxing.

She had had a biopsy the week before on her breast, and wanted to show me her scar. This entailed taking off her shirt and bra. Perfect tits. Full "B", fully tan. I had to kiss them. I had to take my shirt off. Flat abs, even when sitting up in bed. Soft, smooth skin. A total body skin lotion addict I later found out. It works.

I laid her down, lying down parallel to her and kissed her some more, and stroked her breasts. I was very hard by that point, and I began to slide over to her so she could feel that I was. She reached down and slipped her hand into my pants and held my penis in her hand with slow evenly spaced squeezes. I had to take my pants off. I had to take her pants off. She was a vision naked. Rounded firm ass. Best legs I have ever seen. Great calves. Perfect shape and so smooth. Hairless everywhere. Hairless mons, hairless pussy. No stubble, just the smoothest skin on her mons, since she had been shaving for so many years. I wet my fingers inside her, parted her lips and began to stroke her clit. She held my hand and said she had taken care of herself at home with her toys and what I was doing was not necessary. She guided me inside of her.

I slid into her as far as I could and held myself there as long as I could while kissing her softly and deeply. I was making love to this most attractive woman whom I cared for and she did not want me to concern myself with making her come. She said "I'm good......go ahead". Started slow and shallow, progressing to deeper, then faster, then harder.........I can still here the slapping sound against her hairless body. I came very hard for what seemed like forever. I collapsed in a breathless sweat. I told her I loved her. I couldn't help it. I told her and I meant it. She made me modify it to " I am certainly very fond of you" and we laughed about it.

I moved out of state the next week. I miss her terribly. It could have grown into something. I am an idiot.

The Last One

The last one before this was quite pretty (more than cute, less than beautiful). Great face, great body (hit the gym every day) total body tan, totally shaved. No tan lines, no hair. Great kisser. I only got to make love to her once but I remember it like it was yesterday.

She had had a rough life in the recent past, making her relationship with men very tentative and a little paranoid. First husband beat her, then after many failed relationships found out the guy she had been dating for 3 years was concurrently engaged to another woman, in effect leading two separate live, on of which was with her.

I had known her for well over 5 years as flirting-friends as she was usually either involved or in a state of "sworn-off-men". It took a long time for her to develop a physical interest in me ...... might have helped that I was also working out and losing quite a bit of weight that year.

She had a love affair with sex toys that she would use at home on her own. I think she believed them more effective and more trustworthy than any man.

Two particular nights with her stand out in my mind. One is when she came to see me play with the band. She wore a miniskirt with a thong, and a loosely woven knit top that, if you looked carefully enough, showed her nipples.

When I went out in the cold for a break she followed me there and we had our first kiss out in front of the club. Very slow, eyes open, very sensual. She took my hand to show me she was wearing a thong. Great ass, very smooth, very firm. I pressed one hand on her left breast. Very nice. Later she stood near the stage and mouthed the words "I want to go to bed with you". What a great night.

The other night I remember was even better.

Perfect Ass

Tight low-rise bluejeans with matching denim jacket and a semi-long belly shirt. Narrow waist, perfect ass. A slim and trim butt, just fit in there between the back waist band and her crotch. She's a runner. When she straddled me in the car I could just reach around and hold one cheek in each hand and squeeze....a perfect fit. I squeezed the back of her thighs, one hand on each side slowly and worked my way up to her ass and back down again taking a detour now and then to press on her pussy in a teasing manner. I think this is what prompted the grinding and eventually the oral sex. She was on her period otherwise I think we may have just done it in the back seat of that car like two kids. I was so gone for her. I believed she had come around and was actually starting to fall for me. I was going to have sex with my new best friend. Perfect.

That weekend she went away on a trip with her family and that was that. When she came back she had "reconciled" with her husband and she could not/would not see me again. I was devastated. I had may so many plans in my head by this time.........she was the solution, the cure, the panacea I had been looking for, wasn't she? Was she not it? Shit. No amount of discussion would reach her. She had made up her mind, wanted to continue being close friends. Shit. There is so much I want to say to her but would sound like an idiot. All I could think of was the phrase "There's no fool like an old fool". Shit.

Now "perfect ass" had a new meaning.

Next and Last

The next time we got together I think she had been drinking already. She met me in a hotel parking lot, we got in the back seat of her car. She had half a six pack left. She admitted she had arranged this meeting to explain why we could not see eachother like this again. When I arrived she was leaning on the outside of her car. She said ".....You know I wasn't going to kiss you tonight......" And then pulled me close by my lapels and kissed me hard.

We got into the back seat of her car and talked briefly between kisses and beers about why she thought this was a bad idea. Then she got on top again. She liked being in control and I got into it. Tight jeans, very low rise, pierced belly button. She held my face in her hands and made a meal of my mouth. I told her I was all hers. She told me she wore no bra so I could see how small her tits were. I pulled up her shirt and palmed both breasts. Small yes, "A" cup, but unblemished and symmetric. Made you appreciate just how tan she was. Nice nipples. Very sensitive......closed her eyes and made that noise when I fondled them. In the middle of licking and massaging them she climbed back on top and rubbed her crotch against the front of my pants. I had been hard for a while now. She smiled that very sexy smile and asked "what do you want me to do?" while rhythmically rubbing me from the base to the tip with her pubic bone. I said "I want you to lick my cock" not knowing how else to put it really. She unzipped my pants and put me in her mouth. Having not had sex for over a year, my head was spinning part in ecstasy and part surprise and disbelief at this turn of events. She seemed to really be enjoying herself too. Happiest guy in world. She swallowed. I love her. We hugged, we kissed, we made plans to have sex. I smelled her perfume on me all the way home. The next day she told me she could not wait with this great smile of hers. My life was good again.

Then everything changed.

Chest Pain

Been having a lot of chest pain over this woman. Happened over a number of months. Polite conversation lead to admissions of marital dissatifaction............green light I figured. So shy at first, putting her head down and away when I tried to kiss her the first time. Next time a pretty good "good night" kiss. The next time she straddled me in the driver's seat and bruised my lips. Quite the unexpected and pleasant surprise. Great kisser. Very passionate. A look of serious erotic intent in her eyes, a complete 180 from her previous behavior. She unbuttoned her pants and pulled my hand to her. Such joy I felt to have her finally accept me in this manner after what seemed like such a long time. I fell hard.

Start Here

Trying to organize and find a direction.

Want to use this as a place to unload things I have wanted to tell people over the years but for the circumstances of my life. Not sure who I could tell. There is no one person at this time to whom I could tell everything......With old friends I would have to have done some fast filtering so as not to change that person's relationship to me, their perception of me.....my chances with them.

There almost was one recently. Tried really hard for that one but she changed her mind. Not sure why yet although she did offer me a plausible explanation. We'll see. Would have been the best combination of friendship and sex. Cute and sexy, slim and smart. Quite a shame. I fell for her too fast (but she was perfect).

Beginning

Well I figured I would wind up doing this sooner or later, so here it is.

Too much to keep in my head without spilling it, and therapy is too expensive.

In the old days I guess this would have been called a diary.

Alone in a crowd, this is a private place to post my thoughts.